The Voicemail!
by MadamP
Summary: "You know," Eve said, "we haven't changed our Voicemail in a while." Those words started it all. WAS A ONE SHOT BUT NOW IS A SERIES OF ONE SHOTS!
1. Chapter 1

"You know," Eve said as I turned to look at her, she was flipping through channels on the television, "We haven't changed our house voicemail in a while." I stared at her blankly, "We have a house phone?" Eve chuckled and shook her head before paying her attention back to the television screen,"yeah you used it before you got a high tech cell phone."

It was just me and Eve downstairs at the moment, Shane was at work and Michael was upstairs. "We should record a new one." I shrugged, not really caring. "Wait," I said pouting, "go back to SpongeBob, you know we always watch SpongeBob." Eve rolled her eyes, "You should stop spending so much time with Shane."

Michael walked down the steps, waddling like the penguin he wishes he was. "You know," he said implying that he was listening to our conversation, "We should record a new message." Eve chuckled looking at him, "Vampire hearing, pain in the mother-fucking ass."

I just shook my head as I looked back over my book, "We should wait till Shane comes home," I said as I read the page of how toilets were invented, what the hell was wrong with Myrin? "Shane can bite me," Eve said as she walked over to grab the home phone. She dialed a number, something I wasn't really caring or paying attention to.

"Hey, you got the Glass house-"Eve said before she was interrupted by Michael yelling, "WAIT I WANT TO GET MY GUITAR!" She sighed and pressed whatever button was for cancel and when Michael came back with his guitar she tried again, "Hey you've got the glass house, This is Eve," she pushed the phone towards Michael who was strumming his guitar and in the most seductive voice ever he said, "Hello everyone I'm Michael Glass, if you are trying to contact me about recording contracts, you should have called my cell."

Eve pressed cancel again, "What the hell was that Miky?" He shrugged. Eve groaned and Shane took that moment to fly through the door, literally. The door was pushed open as he flew through the air into the room we all were in.

While Eve was trying to talk Shane yelled, "Hey People." I swear, Eve was about to throw that phone right in his mouth "Is it so hard to record a freaking voicemail?" She dropping the phone and crossed her arms. Michael looked freighted, Shane looked confused, but I walked over and picked up the phone.

"Hello, "I said, "This is the Glass house. If you aren't looking for Shane, Claire, Eve, or Michael, you have the wrong number. However, if you are looking for us then you have the right number. If you are looking for Eve, try her cell. If you are looking for Michael it's easier to call him on his cell. If you are looking for Shane, well….he's probably ignoring you if you have to call the house, and If you are looking for Claire, she might be at school."

I hung the phone and gave them all a look, and said sarcastically, "That was so hard." I shook my head, taking my spot on the couch again. "That sucked, "Shane said sitting down beside me. "No it didn't," Michael said. Eve laughed softly, "Yes, yes it did."

So my dear readers, if you ever call the Glass house and the voicemail is still the same, this is the reason. No one could ever agree on a new message. However, after some time, everyone used their cell phone and just threw away the old home phone


	2. Chapter 2

Claire has her hair pinned up. Her bright orange highlights and neon green ones stuck out as much as her three teeth. She leaned back in the chair radiating a need for help. Her forth child had come and she didn't know who the father was. So she was here…on Maury.

"Miss…" "Danvers," She said as she fluffed her hair up. "Yes Ms. Danvers you believe that Mister…" He looked across the room. "Collins," the boy named Shane said. "Right Mister Collins is the father." "He is!" She said as she jumped up from her chair as her pregnant belly bounced with her, "I remembers!"

She saw Shane shiver**(lol tongue twister)** "There's no way," Maury looked between the two of them wondering how a thing like Claire could have been pregnant more than once.

"Well, I have the results here and," He looked at the paper, "Shane…you are….NOT the father."

Shane jumped from joy and ran to the camera, "I TOLD YOU," He walked passed Claire and knocked her weave off, "Bye you!" Shane flipped off the camera.

"The name of the father is….Michael Glass…Will Mister Glass please report to the stage." A nervous blonde boy walked onto stage, "OH HEEEELLLLLL NO," said a Goth chick that jumped on stage and began to fight Claire. As Maury jumped in front of the camera he said, "Join us next week on Maury….SECURITY!"

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><p>I have no offense to Claire, I just thought this would be fun to write.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Claire will never touch another computer. Ever. She will never look up something Shane tells her to search. Just…never.

She nearly threw the computer across the room when the screaming face came across the screen. "I hate you Shane," she said pushing him away and running up to her room. He didn't even come to check on her.

Today she gets him back.

"Shane? Can you come help me?" "Yeah." It was the perfect time, no one was home but them. No one to laugh, or to ruin it. Shane came down the stairs and nearly dropped his jaw at the sight of Claire. She wore a black leather skirt that was too short to be considered clothing, fishnets, and a tight mid-drift shirt.

"Claire," He said and she beckoned him forward, slightly biting on the inside of his lip. He wasted no time, pulling her to his body and kissed her deeply. His finger slowly lifted her shirt higher, her skirt lower.

He laid her back against the couch, having to pull away to take in a gasp of air and to pull off his shirt. He had never seen it coming, she was just…too quick.

When Shade had his shirt off, he looked back down to Claire….only to be met with a clown face that held a dangerous looking knife. He screamed, jumping off the couch ,"What the fuck Claire!" His heartbeat was banging in his chest.

"That will teach you to be mean to me," She put the plastic knife and the Halloween mask, back under the couch, where her and Eve had placed it the first time.


End file.
